How to Win an Election with EVMs: A Guide for Politicians

Are you tired of losing elections to your rivals? Do you want to secure a majority in the parliament without spending too much money or effort? Do you want to enjoy the perks and privileges of being in power without worrying about the people's welfare or the constitution? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this blogpost is for you!

In this blogpost, I will reveal the secret of winning any election in India with the help of EVMs. EVMs, or Electronic Voting Machines, are the devices that are used to record and count the votes of the voters in India. They are supposed to be tamper-proof, secure, and transparent, but in reality, they are anything but that. In fact, EVMs are the perfect tools for manipulating the election results and ensuring your victory.

How can you do that, you ask? Well, it's simple. All you need to do is to follow these easy steps:

1. Find a loyal and corrupt engineer who can hack the EVMs and program them to give votes to your party. You can either bribe him or threaten him or both. Make sure he is discreet and trustworthy, or else he might expose your plan or defect to the other side.

2. Arrange for the hacked EVMs to be delivered to the polling booths where you expect a tough competition from your opponents. You can use your influence, money, or muscle power to make this happen. You can also create some chaos or violence in the area to divert the attention of the security forces and the election officials.

3. On the day of the election, make sure that your supporters and workers reach the polling booths early and cast their votes. You can also intimidate or bribe the voters to vote for you or to stay away from voting. You can also spread some fake news or rumors to influence the voters' minds.

4. Wait for the results to be announced. You will be surprised to see how many votes you have received, even in the areas where you had no popularity or presence. You will also notice that your rivals have received very few votes, even in their strongholds. You will be declared the winner by a huge margin and you will be congratulated by your party and your supporters.

5. Celebrate your victory and enjoy your power. You have successfully rigged the election with the help of EVMs and you have fooled the people and the democracy. You can now do whatever you want, without any accountability or responsibility. You can loot the public money, pass arbitrary laws, suppress dissent, and indulge in corruption and nepotism. You can also prepare for the next election by repeating the same process.

Congratulations! You have learned how to win an election with EVMs. You have also learned how to destroy the democracy and the trust of the people in the electoral process. You have become a successful politician in India.